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I wrote my lover this morning.... :-)
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I dreamed this morning.
I awoke. You were beside me sleeping peacefully. Like a child. I was confused but I saw you and you looked up at me and smiled. I layed down and snuggled my long body carefully and firmly placing it against your feminine curves. My hands caressed your stomach, your ribs, your hips, your legs, your breasts and your face. Then I said to you. "It's a dream come true".
I love you.
-dave
xoxoxoxo
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This was her response.....
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Goodmorning........
Ya know.. sometimes a 'reply' just doesn't cut it. I want to bring you close to me, in a warm and generous hug.... and kiss your face gently.
Thank you so much, for those warm words to me.. I love waking up to you, in the morning. I love going to sleep with you at night. What nice dreams we have.
I love you. And i awoke this morning - in my BED ;).. with my first thoughts of you. I told myself how i missed making love to you. How i needed to make love to you. I miss your body, fitting into mine so well.. I miss your hands cupping my breasts.. I miss your fingers finding my
curves - and loving them. I miss you.
I love you, Dave.. with that secret place in my heart - the one that grows daily... The Space Between.
Nancy
xoxoxoxoxox
I played golf today. It was minus fricken 800, but I played a round of golf today :-) Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, we can more easily fatten ourselves, by playing indoor golf where no walking or physical ability of any kind is required, and you can fill your cake hole with all you can eat pizza, wings, nachos and beer. Damn. Hehehehe. I steered clear of the CarboHydrate Autobahn but managed to shoot a reasonably decent 89.
I have a new side project. I am a pretty creative person and somewhat musically inclined. A friend of mine owns a reasonably successful company and he is letting me do some audio work for him! He's looking for some different samples of music from around the world to mix with a promotional DVD he is producing. I think it is healthy to get a little side project to kill the lonliness I sometimes feel. So I am going to begin tonight mixing some demos for him :-)
On another note there is something I think you should know about my situation. My wife does not have to work. She conscientiously chooses to work. I am so financially secure right now that many times in the past I have suggested she leave work. I want you to know that I don't sit up here at night bitching and complaining that I am alone...only to find out we can barely support our kids. Jesus that's not the case at all. The profession that I chose, for so many different reasons, pays ridiculously well. She does NOT have to work. She chooses her own schedule. This is an important insight into the state of where things are between us. Don't you think? Things aren't toxic. We do not fight incessently. Things are just things. We co-habitate. Sort of. We seem to just move on autopilot.
My lover. Something is happening with us that I can't quite explain yet. We are both feeling new found freedoms with one another that are unexplainable. I told her it is like we have reached another plane of understanding and connection with one another. It's hard to explain, but it is like a connection that says "everything will be okay, don't worry sweet lover, I am here right beside you". We are smiling together right now. Apart, but together :-)
Time to compose some music....but first.............a cigarette....I know I know......but damn I love 'em once and awhile ;)
I'll see you when I see you ;)
-dave
One of the exciting aspects of having a Lover, is having intoxicating and steamy bantering of emails and chat. And we are healthy :)
I want to share a really sexy thing, he said to me tonight.
To set the scene a bit...
Since time where my Lover and i have been intimate.. He has taken to 'claiming' parts of my body. (omg he's sexy!). His very first part, was (and we *col* concluded it was called this.. if we're wrong, who cares - we know *wink*) my 'clavicle' - "that little dip in the middle, where your collar bones meet" ....... ! (omg)
He has claimed many more.
Here is his little calling to me...
"I miss my parts of your body....I think I may need to conduct a site survey VERY soon to ensure everything is within spec ;-)"
Hmmmmm... every woman needs a man to talk to her like that.
-Nancy
I was contemplating something this evening. My wife and I have no dreams for the future. We have no plans. No real ambitions past just existing I suppose. Of course we have plans for the kids, but nothing for us. Someone asked me the other day what my wife and I wanted to do when we exited the rat race. I didn't have an answer. I found it sad I couldn't answer this person. I wonder if it is because deep down inside I know I won't be with her in the future?
The thing is, if someone were to ask me the same question of my lover, I already have a list of dozens of things I would like to do with her in the future. I have plans she is likely not even aware of...but things we both love and could easily lose ourselves in.
I wanted to share that with you....just thoughts I am dealing with.
Music I have been listening to tonight:
Artist - Title
Stone Roses - Breaking into Heaven
Cranberries - Dreaming my Dreams
Wynton Marsalis - Peppermint Patty
Oasis - Hey Now!
Chet Baker - Let's Get Lost
Better Than Ezra - Good
Filter - Hey Man Nice Shot
Have a good night ;-)
-dave
What a Monday. I couldn't sleep last night. I went to bed early and alone again. It wasn't much before 9. I fell asleep promptly but woke up at like 2:00 AM! Damn. So I went to the garage, smoked a cigarette, came in, grabbed some water, and began surfing the Internet. I actually went into my office only a couple of hours later.
I am glad I did. It afforded me a nice afternoon off to meet Nancy for coffee. I arrived a few minutes early to pick the coffee up so when I saw her we could leave straight away. We have a spot where we usually just sit in my car, drink full bodied coffee, smoke cigarette's, talk, hug, and kiss. I picked a little item up that I thought she would enjoy and gave it to her upon seeing her. Our time was bliss. I love this woman. I cannot get enough of her. Damn.
I arrived home, picked up the kids, did the routine, and now I am basically alone again. My wife has scheduled herself insane hours over the next 2 weeks. The next time I will see her will be next Tuesday. Our communication will consist of sticky notes on the fridge to one another. Isn't that fulfilling. Generally I leave fairly early in the morning for work so she and the kids are usually asleep. By the time I arrive home, she has left for work already. Do people continue like this indefinitly? What kind of life is that? Why does society dictate that we suck it up and live with it? I find that unacceptable. There has to be solutions. There has to be open marriages that work? I would love to hear from someone who has been in an open marriage..... is there anyone out there?
Well. Not much else at the moment.
Thanks for listening to me vent.
-dave
Have you ever read Viktor E. Frankl?
My therapist recommended his groundbreaking work on "Man's Search for Meaning". The book is written in two parts, the first a look into the mind of concentration camp prisoners. Frankl himself was detained and kept in several camps including Auschwitz where he developed a modern psychiatric approach called logotherapy.
The second part of the book deals with a lecture of logotherapy.
The essence of logotherapy is this: no matter the constraints, no matter your situation, no matter what freedoms have been removed from you, you (humans) have the ability to always choose your attitude in any given situation.
A quote from Frankl:
"A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth - that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understand how a man who has nothing in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievment may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way - an honorable way - in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. For the first time in my life I was able to understand the words, "The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory."
I find this theory fascinating. I try to use it and adapt it my situation. When I feel empty, rejected, alone or sad, I use this. I visualize 'us' together in that park on that warm fall day. I think about giving her the fresh sunflowers, sharing in complete bliss with her. I use this technique and it works. I hope you, the reader finds value in this man's work. I have.
Viktor E. Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning
ISBN: 0-671-02337-3
-dave
I think back fondly of our first meeting. I felt like a kid going to Disney Land. The emotions that were rolling through my body were powerful and overwhelming. We were to meet in the downtown core of our city for a cup of coffee. That was really what we sold this to each other as. A simple cup of coffee. Harmless.
I arrived. It was a wonderfully hot fall day. The trees were changing colours and the leaves were beginning to fall. As I parked my car I noticed a flower vendor selling sunflowers. They were big and gorgeous. I must have started for the flower cart four or five times before I committed to buying flowers for Nancy. I was nervous. Very nervous. What if this WAS just coffee for her. I would look pretty stupid giving her sunflowers!!! I took the chance. What did I have to lose? I had been rejected so many times over the past few years...what was one more time?
I actually put the flowers in the back seat and sort of covered them. They were given later as we were going our seperate ways. AND. they were accepted :-)
It ended up being so hot that day that we opted for one of those cold caffeinated beverages. We walked to a local, obscure park and took a seat under a huge tree. It was nice. We were both tremendously nervous and mostly made small talk, but all I could help thinking was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.... I knew from this moment that I had to pursue this woman with all my energy, with all my heart, and all my love. I had to have her. That for sure was unquestionable. I had known her for a year on an emotional level, this was our second time meeting (our first time with 'intentions'). Our first time was more of a social setting...with no intentions (on her part yet) ;-). I had fallen in love with Nancy before even seeing her. I had never seen so much as a photo of this woman, yet I knew I adored her. I loved her.
On our way back to the downtown core, we sped along a major waterway with the sunroof open smoking cigarettes, both basking in the afternoon sunlight, and one another's presence.
I will never ever forget that day. The little things. Like the parking ticket I got with 'her'. I still have it! I know, I know, you may find that sappy, but when you have gone for so long without...it really is the little things that matter most.
-dave
One of the greatest things I have learned in this life is that it is the little things that matter most. No matter how much material success you obtain, how much status you think you might have, it's the little details that are most important and most ignored at the end of the day. I assure you of this. Those details vanished in my marriage. I would often do things for my wife like make her bed (how fucked up is that) and it would go unnoticed. I felt unappreciated. I kept thinking did she even notice I spent the entire evening alone with the kids making dinner, cleaning up after the kids, bathing and reading and bedtime, and then have the time to change the sheets on her bed so they would be fresh when she arrived home from work late! One time I got upset and just confronted her about it. She had no reason why she had not praised me for it, she had certainly noticed my efforts, but she could just not find it in her to compliment me. I was hurt and felt worthless. It became increasingly easier to rationalize my affair.
Little things seem to define Nancy and I. For instance, near the very beginning, before we had even kissed in fact, we decided we would meet for coffee and go to a secluded place to sit and talk. I thought it would be kind of cool to have some music in our spot, so I compiled a CD of some of 'our' favorite songs, brought along a portable CD player and two pairs of headphones and we were set! It was great! We found a flat rock on the water, enjoyed two huge coffees, listened to great music, and got lost in one another for a few hours. We were just getting to know one another then. It was still awkward, but I think we both loved it. While it sounds cliche, it honestly felt like we were teenagers again. A breathe of fresh air; the winds of change. As we said goodbye in my car that day, we found one another. We were sort of hugging, and I had brought my cheek to her face something I love, very intimate. I guess I just found her lips then. It was electrifying. I felt intense sensations pulse through my body. I had not ever pushed the boundaries of my marital vows such as I had just then. It was so exciting, and forbidden, and new all at once.
Little things. We both discuss this topic often. How our marriages felt empty when we both noticed the little things we did for our spouses went unnoticed, or, uncared for. And in particular how much we each appreciate and adore the little things we do for one another.
Well that's all for tonight folks.
See you soon.
-dave
This is a wonderful compilation of words to live by.. for those who have chosen to take a Lover.
Dave found it. He'd sent it to me, before we were ever intimate - omitting the entry about 'pleasing each other sexually'. It wasn't appropriate, at the time ;)
He later, updated our creed, to this:
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I found this on an Internet site.....
I kind of liked it....and thought it would be good words for 'us' to live by....
I will listen to my lover with empathy and understanding, without judgments or preconceived notions. This is the single most important thing I must do, and trying to fake it will not work. I will let my lover talk openly without fear of criticism, and let them feel that they are truly heard. I will not tell my lover what to do or offer advice, unless asked. I WILL LISTEN.
I will open my heart to my lover. I will tell my lover about my dreams, my problems, my fears, my concerns and my feelings. I will share my interests, and outlook on life. I will share with my lover all I have been, am, and ever hope to become.
I will show my lover patience and gentle persistence. I will never give up pursuing my lover and trying to win her/him over, even after I have won. I will remember that love is not a game of speed or strength, but rather a game of endurance. I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING TO SEDUCE MY LOVER
I will be my lover's best friend: a warm, loving and affectionate companion. I will look out for my lover's welfare. I will always try my best to be there for my lover.
I will NEVER compromise my lover's home situation by thoughtless or selfish actions.
I will compliment my lover. By word and by deed I will make my lover feel noticed, smart, special, beautiful, desired, and appreciated. I will remember that how my lover feels about me is a direct result of how my lover feels about her/himself when I am with them.
I will work to bring romance and passion into my lover's life and keep it there. Little things go a long way, and if I am aware of how these little things make my lover feel, I will become addicted to the myself.
I will encourage my lover in her/his goals. My lover's power is my power, my lover's strengths, my strength, my lover's successes, my success.
I will respect my lover's independence. I will remember that my lover is her/his own person, with their own set of moods, goals, dreams, and
aspirations. I will know when to step back and give my lover space. When in doubt, I will ask.
I will always strive to please my lover sexually. We will feel free to try new things; the only limit is that we both feel comfortable with it, and the only way we are going to discover our limits is by talking about them. I will remember that giving and receiving are equally important.
I will always remember that a loving relationship is never something I take for granted, but rather it is something I BUILD and then I MAINTAIN.
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I love it.
Nancy
I am Nancy. A wife. A mother. And now, a Lover.
I find it to be quite the challenge, introducing myself, providing a little insight as to who I am, and how and why I made that choice, to take a Lover.
My husband and i have 3 children, and with the birth of our third, came many changes. Firstly, our third was an "oops!".. so we dealt with the emotional roller-coaster of our lives leaving the direction we'd now set for ourselves (as a family with two children), to that of diapers again, etc. Secondly, my husband made a change in his professional life, before our son was a year old. That's when our lives as a 'couple' started to change..
With his new direction, there was a compromise in 'job security'. With me being a 'stay-at-home-Mom' now (i'd left work after many years, to retain some 'quality of life' at home), and he being the sole-provider - it created stress. By nature, my husband is a quiet person. He's a gentle man, peaceful, and very private. His family is his private world, and at work, he is selective as to whom he invites in. It is amazing how NOW, our different personalities seem to really make a difference. I am a very open, energetic and socially needy person. When i left work and all my friends.. I adjusted to a tremendous lifestyle change. Email was my salvation - which will be quite relevant later..
Over the past 3 years or so, we became distant. Our intimacy became sporadic.. and life seemed to now be "just the way it is". I missed him terribly. He seemed to withdraw from me, when I needed him the most. I became lost in my kids, in my friends, in my activities/projects inside and outside the home. What else could I do.. I was lonely and I needed to feed my emptiness. Straying from my marriage, betraying the trust and confidence of my husband, all things that I can genuinely say, I'd not ever contemplated. Not ever.
I love my husband, I love my children. But lost in the wife/mother world, what I realized I missed terribly, was me "Nancy, the woman". I needed to find her again.
You know Dave's story .. You know that Dave found that woman - me.
We spoke on the phone (as he was temporarily sharing my husband's office), he was a fresh voice in my ear and a refreshing one at that. I am a very friendly and open person, and I enjoyed talking to him. The odd phone calls to my husband's office, the emails, the instant messaging .. our relationship had begun to take shape. It was completely innocent.. we found out a little about each others lives, etc. Not an inkling did I have, not a clue that this man was so focused. It was about a year later, that we had our first meeting. That sunny and warm fall day.. (he actually bought me flowers !! .. that alone, was an oddity - flowers from another man!).
I will never forget the day Dave said these words to me: "I want to be your Lover". I thought I was going to die!! My heart just stopped. Never in a million years have I considered such a thing. An affair?! O my god! I couldn't!
So I thought
The guilt i felt was absolutely incredible. My stomach was in knots. I would think to myself, "I can't be speaking to this man like this.. I'm married! .. and so is HE. But soon the desire to have my innermost needs fulfilled, far surpassed my torment. I needed to hear what my Lover was telling me his sweet, sexy words in my ear. I needed to feel his 'needs' and his 'desires'. We needed so badly, what each other was offering.
So I took a lover. And he is amazing.
I'll let you in on a few sexy things he does for his lover. I'll let you know how he came to me with such amazing force, focused energy, and yes.. intentions.
Talk soon!
Nancy
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