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Hmmmmmmm... I sit with my glass (i'm actually using a 'glass'..i prefer goblets - pottery.. they are warm and cozy.. but tonight, i chose otherwise)of delicious red wine. I put my favorite music DVD on.. We share so passionately in this bands' music. I put it loud (not TOO.. don't want little feet coming down those stairs :s *hehe) .. sit, sip, listen.. and smile. It comforts me.
He's going to be ok.
I usually have to convince myself of that, for the pain they are feeling is tremendous. I feel it for them.
"It's nice to run into you, in the Park here..."
*cheers*
-Nancy :)
She retreats into her own world.. as he walks his mile. She sends him thoughts, in song. This is the very first music He ever gave Her.
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Only Time - Enya
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Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...
And who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...
(interlude)
Who can say why your heart sighs,
As your love flies?
Only time...
And who can say why your heart cries,
When your love dies?
Only time...
(interlude)
Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be,
In your heart.
And who can say when the day sleeps,
If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart...
(long interlude)
Who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...
And who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...
Who knows?
Only time...
Who knows?
Only time...
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Warmest thoughts.. Rest, sweet man.. may you find comfort in each other, tonight.
-Nancy
First and foremost..... this Blog is intended to be uplifting ... Dave needs a good time, tonight!
My Lover is now seeking an apartment. My sweet man.. He even has an appointment. A nice downtown apartment - convenient for work. Nice restaurants. Great coffee shops. Energetic area. I hope it works out .. he so needs to find and feel, comfort. We'll see.. His appointment is tonight.
Well... i had a very RARE opportunity, tonight. I spent the entire evening/night, with my lover - in semi public. OMG.. we had an amazing time.. From 5pm til 1am ...... 8 hrs !! ..... 8 hours of being completely consumed with each other. nice.
I worked today.. and how i love the salvation of my little 'part time job' .. i'm a 'stay-at-home-Mom', ya know ;) .. god, i will never go back to high-tech ! This little job of mine.. it lets me be creative... another thing i'd come to miss and crave. MY CREATIVITY! Man..
Right.. on with the evening........ hehe (talk, talk, talk... :s )
He picked me up at work.... !! (a 'first') We drove to our downtown destination ;) Indeed... i was joining him, to view this apartment... We were early.. so we ended up in this really sexy/funky restaurant - gorgeous, sexy orange/terra cotta-glazed walls... dimmed lighting.. candles.. nice music.. wonderful food.. and US ! :) omg.
We sat at the bar.. holy god.. this was so amazingly nice.. comfortable.. and in our own city ! We ordered beer.. his, out of the 'cooler', mine.. on tap. Delish. We sat real close.. we never ceased to touch.. that is so part of us. Touching. Sensuality. holy shit.. we kissed.. omg.. we were so sexy and in love, tonight. He has wonderful long arms.. they go around me so well.. I sat to his left.. and with that arm, he reached down around me.. and cupped my breast.. so discreetly. omg. i wanted him then.
We still had some time, before seeing the apt. So we sat for a little longer, having our beer. Do you know.. we have never had a beer together before.. i kid you not. There are always circumstances.. sometimes an hour or two for coffee is all we get all week (and we are happy with that). Sooooo.. we decided it would be nice to come back here for dinner... so Dave made reservations. We were coming back. *yahoooo!*
The apartment was perfect. Warm. He needs that in his life, right now - you know, that comfort factor.. i so worried about him having to go thru all that crap with a lease, and all.. This place was perf ! That person was away for at least 2 1/2 months .. who's to even say how much time he'll spend there.. it is a place to hang his hat.. and give him time to process and deal with these difficult issues.
(i just took a break ;) .. i just logged on to our IM thingy.. and we chatted it up a bit.. damn, that man is HOT *hehe* .. ok, he's gone now.. i told him he was crampin' my style.. a woman needs her space to write about her sexy evening..) .. ok where were we . . . o yes.. the apartment.. It went very well .. long story short (and now they think my blog is over... ya right! .. i talk alot.. of course it's not over :) ) .. He loves it. Done. Damn.. i feel so much better. He will be 'ok'. I needed to know that, and i now i do.
SO ........... nice apartment...... on to dinner ;)
We got there.. decided to again, sit at the bar, to wait for our table. We sat down at the other end, this time.. a little darker.. more intimate. We absolutely love each others' hands. No, no.. we weren't animals.. all over each other.. (yet) geeeeeeeze. We are so incredibly sensual together.. damn, we'd make a good movie :) *hehe* OK... This place was awesome.. people of all ages, really. There was a 50th Birthday party happening.. lots of people. Omygoodness, i felt alive!! How I missed the 'dancing Nancy' in me. Another thing Dave and i have on our 'to do' list .. 'go dancing'.
Our table was now ready.. Hmmmmm .. Nice. We ordered.. First, a bottle of Shiraz. We so like our red wine.. Cabernet Sauvignon. Mmmm. I love food.. I eat and try, most anything.. but i've never really warmed up to the likes of .. mussels. :s I LOVE escargots.. !!! yummy ! .. So, my Dave orders...... mussels. What an animal.. hehe. Hhhhhh ..... i have to try these things.. and for almost 40 years, i'd not ever let one touch my lips....... yuck! Until tonight.. He asked that i chose how i'd live them prepared.. I chose lemon, garlic broth.. damn.... I would try anything with Dave (except this creepy hotel we see - we call it the 'Paris Bates Motel'.. he jokes about taking me there for some day :s I don't think sooooooo .. col).
Mussels.. here goes. Pick one of these little suckers up.. reach in there with your little fork.. pull him out... and in it goes . . . WELL... did i not experience an amazing dancefest of tastebuds..?!! Wow.. these are delicious..! Another 'first' for us.. Thankyou Dave.. i sooo love mussels ! We so enjoyed our dining experience .. i loved it.
There is a club downstairs.. it gets hopping around 10-11ish. We decided that we were definitely going to check out that scene.. ;)
Ok.. it's getting late.. i have to trim some detail.. We finished dinner.. went outside for a cigarette .. i love smoking with Dave.. then down we went. It was still a little early, so there weren't too many people yet. I proceeded to the back of the club. There was a spot back there, with a pool table.. and gorgeous, sexy red sectionals, and candles... Yup.. this was going to be 'our room' .. we were so coming back here.. I chose our corner.. put our coats down.. and sat and waited for Dave.. who had stopped at the bar for us.. I watched his sexy, long body, there... I was in such a happy place, with him tonight. We were loving our opportunity.. every single, second. We drank Vodka Martinis and played pool.......... omg. We had a blast! ! And while others were playing .. we sat together in our little candle-lit corner.. and played quietly ;)
It was getting late.. i still had to be home - at some explainable time.. So we fondly left . and headed to his car. Remember.. he picked me up at work.. he still had to bring me home .. We were driving, and he asked me, kinda coy: "Sooo ..do you wanna go 'park'? " .. to which i replied: "Hhhh.. yes!" ...... so we hung a left at the lights, and off we were...... heading for our favorite coffee hangout.. by that waterway.. where all those '50+' dudes always are.....?? with the silvers cars....?? that was a couple of blogs ago..).
OMG.. We were so hot by then.. it was time. He put my seat back.. my pants off.. it was intense, fast, hot and hard.. and we loved it .. !
Damn....
Well..... we eventually started for home.. It was late, and we needed to sleep.. He had gone out to see about an apartment.. and he found one. It all happened so quickly.. This apartment is special to me. It is the home of someone i know and love.. and i know that Dave will at least feel comfort where he is, while he's there. Surrounded by many things i love.
I left his car .. I did not get to kiss him again.. i was happy, tho. There goes that man i share a secret with. I was peaceful. And i love what we have...
My night tonight, was incredible. I do not remember (i truly don't..), the last time the woman in me, had so much fun ! He never ceases to amaze me .. he is so incredibly sensual, thoughtful, FUN, and a daaaamn good kisser......! *yummy*
I adore him. He is my 'Space Between'.
-Nancy
I picked her up at work today at 4:45. She embraced me when I saw her, there were tears in her eyes. They were for me, for mine were spent. Her beautiful face wore grief like a mask. Something unnatural for her. I held her close and told her everything would be okay. She was crying in my arms. We smoked. Nerves calm. We left.
A night of firsts on so many levels. We had drive through coffee!!!! I loved handing her the coffee as the attendant handed it to me :). We drank we smoked, we waited. We went for drinks. Beer. It was our first glass of beer together. I know this woman's soul and we just shared our first beer together. Is that fucked? Or is that something so special that words can't describe it. I prefer to think it is the latter. We then secured my apartment tonight. 2 bills later its mine. I move in Monday. Nancy will be there to meet me. Help me.
Then, like two legitimate lovers, we strolled hand in hand down a trendy street in our city. Bars, pubs, restaurants, night life...we didn't care...we went with it. We lived in the moment. We were lost in one another. I have never had an evening like this before. I couldn't stop looking her in the eyes. Touching her. Caressing her face. Kissing her. We said fuck it. We wanted to live and feel. We so did. We drank more beer. I ordered a bottle of red. Wolf Blass. Yellow Label. They were out. hehehe. We had another red. It was nice. We sat at the bar. My feet on her chair hers on mine. We just looked at one another and talked and talked and talked for hours. It was great. It was wonderful. We moved to a table in the back enjoyed our wine and appetizers. Now Nancy has never had mussles before...so I insisted we go for it! I would have to say she enjoyed them ;-)
We ate dinner at around 9, and we enjoyed dinner. We so enjoyed dinner. The company wasn't too bad either ;) We had a Prawn Penne dish with a creme sauce with cilantro, garlic, tomatoes and peppers. Damn it was delicious. That was the first bite of food that stayed in my stomach since Thursday at 2:30.
The trendy restaurant had a basement club with a local DJ spinning his grooves. I asked her. I was so worried she needed to get home. But I asked her anyway. The answer was a responsive, attentive, lovingly adoring 'yes'. Let's go dancing! She wanted to! I was thrilled. We went into the club and she grabbed us sexy seats in the Red Room. Damn. I ordered Vodka Cosmopolitans and crashed with her in the lounge seats we had. Damn. I was all over her in this club. Playful teasing grabs. We played two games of pool. She legitimitly beat me in both games. Damn. I enjoyed playing pool with Nancy. It was more of a sexual dance between us than a game of pool. Predator and prey. I found it highly intoxicating. This woman is a sensual being that exudes sexuality, femininity. People were watching her. Every man that passed us checked her out. I felt proud to walk beside her. I felt proud to know that I love this woman, and that that love is unquestionably returned.
We went parking tonight. It was intense. We couldn't wait until Monday. There was no way. The whole evening was foreplay to one final incredibly climactic powerful act. The comfort between us is unparalleled to anything I have ever experienced. There are no anxieties about body image, no bullshit worries about negativity. We are there for each other in the time we have. We cherish that time ....the seconds. We really do.
I took her home. I gave her my last cigarette. I told her I loved her. Then I raced home to try and capture my thoughts while they were fresh in my mind.
Tonight was incredible, unparalleled to anything, any date, any woman, anything, I have ever experienced in my life. I mean that.
iTunes playing while writing......
Song - Artist
Nothing Special - Local H.
Plush - Stone Temple Pilots
Rudy - Supertramp
Moby - Extreme Ways
Army Ants - Stone Temple Pilots
Big Eyed Fish - Dave Matthews Band
Take a picture - Filter
Ok.....3:12 AM....time to check in on my lover :-)
Later
-dave
Well. Saturday. I spent from 2 to 4 online with my lover. Pouring my heart out to her. Her, listening, supporting, loving.
I still have not spoken to my wife. We have exchanged a couple of emails. She is in a low place. I wish I could comfort her somehow. She is surrounded by the love of my parents though. I take some comfort in that. My tears are back this morning.
I have a huge cup of French Dark Roast, black, steaming coffee, in front of me. This comforts me. A cup of coffee. She knows why. Will someone assure me my wife will be okay? I need to hear those words. God I worry about her. She saw our Dr. yesterday. He put her off work for a week. I was relieved by that.
I will be leaving my home on Monday. Pack a few possessions, some clothes, and I will be a stranger to my address. It's something that is hard to come to terms with. I project managed the entire construction of my place. I built walls, ran cables, installed shingles, poured concrete, hammered nails. This is difficult to come to terms with. I am comforted though that my family will have that for them. Something we built together. This comforts me somewhat.
I don't even know where this blog is going today...I am just writing down random thoughts as they come to me....sorry if it is hard to follow :s
Change the topic for a second....
Music -dave is listening to right now.....
Song - Artist
Jungle Fever - Chakachas
My Immortal - Evanescence (My wife asked me for this song 10 months ago...I should have listened to her...I should have listened to the words...why wasn't I interested....fuck)
Train Wreck - Sarah McLachlan (I love this song)
Sunset Road - Bela Fleck & The Flecktones
Nothing Special - Local H
I Will Survive - Cake
Blue Train - John Coltrane
Even in the quietest moments - Supertramp
Fields of Gold - Sting
Bartender - Dave Matthews Band
Extraordinary - Liz Phare
Music. I love music. I love to play music, read music, listen to music, make music. It is a passion for me that I burried long ago for some reason. I am just rekindling that passion now. Remember December.
Ok that's it for now. Jumbled and unclear thoughts. I apologize. I am okay though. It's funny, I am alone but for the first time I don't feel lonely. I will find my peace. It will take time. It will get harder before it gets easier. I am preparing. I will be okay.
Thanks
-dave
I am sitting in my car typing this on my laptop. I am crying uncontrollably. Chain smoking. Sobbing. I can't stop the pain I feel right now. Last night my wife tried to make love to me and I couldn't do it. I satisfied myself on purpose before she came home so I wouldn't have to. This is my wife and I do love her. Jesus Christ. We had a talk/cry until 4am type of night. I told her I needed more. I was not happy. We were both crying and holding one another. Jesus. She admits to seeing my loneliness and doing nothing about. It was just easier I suppose. God I feel lonely right now. Empty. At the bottom. It hurts. I asked for an open marriage because I knew she was seeing her shrink today. I didn;t quite expect the reaction.
She called me crying at 2:30 today. I took the call in a private office. She told me that she couldn't offer an open marriage. There was absolutely no way. I agreed and said I understood. We were both crying on the phone. I knew it was coming. I think she wants to separate. She told me her Doctor thinks she should move out or that I should move out. Oh God. Jesus. This hurts so much for something I have wanted. I think we both recognize it's the best thing and that hurts so much. I have been crying for two hours and I can't seem to stop.
I told her I wanted to come home and hold her and take the pain away. She asked me not to. That was the hardest thing I have ever heard. The last time I felt this way was when the second tower came down. Jesus. There was something big, tall, strong, and beautiful and then in a heartbeat it is gone.
I will offer to move out for a separation. My personal needs are minimal. My wife believes my request for an open marriage, that she understandably cannot grant, means sooner or later I will stray. God if she only knew how right she was.
My heart is bleeding for the kids. You have no idea. They are very young. Will they grow up okay? I want to have an influence in their life. Actually I prefer not to deal with this right now.
I have no idea what decision her night of thinking, considering, crying and everything will bring her to. I have a certainty though that it will be trial separation.
It's been a long time since I have apartment hunted. I am however used to sleeping alone and feeling alone. I tell myself it will be okay. It will be okay. Will it? I worry about her too. This has to be so hard on my wife. Jesus.
I cancelled with Nancy immediately after talking to my wife. She was obviously very understanding. When my wife called back and told me not to come home, I didn't know what else to do. I called Nancy. She intuitively knew not to change our plans tonight. That was amazing. I won't be in an empty hotel room dealing with this. My mother is with my wife tonight so I have no guilt as she had many family members around her. I would not have let her be alone naturally unless that is what she explicitly asked for.
What next? Another 4am talk tonight? Will I be browsing the Saturday classifieds and setting up appointments for viewings? Another statistic I suppose.
I have no more tears right now to cry it took almost three hours to dry up but this will only be temporary. Hold that thought I am welling up again. Damn it.
Fuck. The one thing I will promise you is that I will not make this a blame game. We spoke friendly today. There were no accusations or implied blame. Can a couple be separate, still friends and raise kids? God damnit I will work hard for that if I can.
Well my lover is here..
Talk soon
-dave
I did something i don't typically do.. i checked our Horoscopes for Today - Dave's and mine. Well..... i damn near fell off my chair !! *col* Of all things.. I shall meet that Lover of mine, tonight !
HIS
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This could be a fun day for some outrageous flirtations, Dave. You love to be a charmer, and you are quite gifted at giving compliments and creating a stir. Today you could attract the attention of several interested parties. Try not to break too many hearts if you can help it! Someone could interpret your witty banter as a sign of serious affection. So watch out for more sensitive types.
HERS
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You've been working very hard and haven't had much time for recreation, so today you might be feeling like doing something crazy, Nancy. A number of different ideas might float in and out of your head, but you'll probably decide on kidnapping a friend or love partner and taking them to a concert, play, or sports event. Even if you haven't made any prior arrangements, your friend should love it! Go for it, and have some fun!
What is a woman to do.... but listen to her stars!! :)
-Nancy
p.s. '...of serious affection' ... ya think!!? *hehe*
It is lunchtime. I am not hungry but I feel like I should eat something.
I am meeting her again tonight. I booked us the suite this morning from work and we will be meeting in just under 6 hours!. I need this tonight. I need to feel her closeness to me. I love that closeness :-)
We are going swimming tonight in the outdoor heated pool!!! Understand it is dead in the middle of one damn cold winter here! So this will be a very cool experience. I can't wait...I have to stop at a mall and pick up a new bathing suit! She is so mine in that pool if we are alone!
I am going to suggest we order room service tonight. I enjoy having dinner with Nancy, and it is on such a rare occasion that that is even possible, I would like to take advantage of it!
My heart tells me she is right. My mind does too. I long to see her right now. I am missing her.
-dave
My Dave.. omg.. how sexy is he !!
Very.
I had a wonderful day today :) Late morning, my sister and her 3, came over.. We made them lunch, then she kicked me out *hehe*, saying: "Go! run errands or something" .. !! Ok :) (I seem to be slowly finding peace with the guilt i feel around my family. Mind you, who it is, makes a huge difference. Guilt. omg. 'Coming Soon to a Blog Near You' .. it???s a WIP).
Sooooooooo.. i opted to buy a coffee.. or two ;)
Indeed.. i had coffee with my Lover. We listened to music, touched, kissed, talked, smoked a few cigarettes (i love smoking with him, i don't smoke much otherwise).. and watched the regulars - 'The 50+ Club'.. and all of 'em in silver cars..!! :s .... very strange indeed.... as Dave did mention ;) .. Remember, Dave...?? One of 'em was even walking around.... !! O my lord, what's this fella doing? *col* Yes, we are indeed baffled.. If it were men and women.. various ages, i'd say they were there for the same reasons as ours ;) ....BUT.. ALL 50+ MEN..... ! Oh well.. whatever i guess.. *hehe*
I came home.. greeted those that were home.. and before you knew it.. kids started coming home, and there were 8 kids in the house !! But you know what...? I love it !! I love that cousins share in time, as they grow :) I really do.
Well... they left, and i started dinner. A great dinner too :) I spent the night doing homework and baking !! 4 of us in the kitchen.. and omg.. the craziness of it all *lol* !
But you know what....? I've not yet spoken to my lover, tonight. I've not even had a chance to reply to 2 very nice emails (hot). He misses me.... and damn, i miss him too *col* ..
I think i'll see what he's up to..
'Night..
-Nancy
Have you heard that Chad Kroeger and Carlos Santana song 'Why don't you and I?'? That's a helluva weird looking sentence preceding this, but I think it is grammatically correct. :s. I don't know, any English experts out there? hehehe
The point of that was I love that song and I just had it blaring. hehehe. The purpose of my blog...not sure? More 'day in the life of -dave' I guess:
Well first things first. Things at work are amazing. This is odd, but I have been darting out for coffee with my lover so often you would think someone would notice. Well they have noticed something. They have noticed my work has been sharp, focused, and concise. I am not really in a position where I can get a traditional promotion, but I moved within my organization today into some VERY interesting work. My lover is responsible for my self esteem boost, my increased self confidence, and general sense of well being.
Now Playing: Coldplay, Yellow
Okay. I am a very liberal conservative. Before I ask this of you I need to state something. I have no issues with gay people. Okay with that said, where my lover and I go for coffee is an out of the way walking path. There is parking there and we usually just go for a couple of hours, talk, smoke cigarettes, and drink coffee. ANYWAY, we have noticed there are always 5 or 6 cars with single men of varying ages (usually later 30's to 60's). They are always there. Usually different people but I have recognized some repeat visitors. What are they doing there? Why would you just sit in a parking lot alone for two or three hours in the middle of winter at that!!!!!! I can't figure it out. We thought, perhaps, maybe it was a location where gay men would go to 'pick-up'? I hope that's not an offensive notion...but I am just baffled. One other note, there is usually a police patrol through there at least one out of two times we go. Anyone have any ideas????? Maybe I am just overanalyzing this and instead of having affairs these men just leave their wives for a couple of hours of peace! col hehehehe . I'm not jaded am I? col
Ahhhhh if you can't laugh....
Now Playing and I shit you not (my jukebox is on random): Moby, Another Woman
hehehehehe omg
I am going to see her tomorrow night I believe. I am so excited. We are going to our suite. Gorgeous view of our city, marble bathroom, glass shower with sitting area, whirlpool tub for two, 3 disc CD changer, king size bed, stocked bar, Champagne, my lover and I. It all should work out. :-)
Well that's enough for now. See you soon.
-dave
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