A lovers diary 

To Spoon or Not to Spoon

... that is the question..


Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I thought of you
And turned to the gate
On my way came up with the answers
I scratched my head
And the answers were gone
From hand to hand
Wrist to the elbow
Red blood sand
could Dad be God
Crosses cross hung out like a wet rag
Forgive you? Why?
You hung me out to dry
Maybe I'm crazy
But laughing out loud
Makes the pain pass by
And maybe you're a little crazy
But laughing out loud makes
it all subside
Holding, I'm holding
I'm still falling
Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I thought of this
And turned to the gate
But on my way
Lightning and thunder
I hid my head
And the storm slipped away
Well maybe I'm crazy
And laughing out loud
Makes it all pass by
And maybe you're a little crazy
And laughing out loud
Makes it all alright
Laughing out loud
From time to time
Minutes and hours
Some move ahead while
Some lag behind
It's like the balloon that
Rise and then vanish
This drop of hope
That falls from his eyes
Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I think of this
And turn to go away
But as I walk
There're voices behind me saying
Sinners sin
Come now and play

'Wonder if He'd be up to a little 'spooning' with her .... ;)


p.s. Nancy is feeling a little 'hot' these days . . . 'needs a little 'jimi'ing ..

'Club 420'

Hey ..... Daaaaaaaave..

Whatcha in the mood for... ? I know of a great club, where they serve amazing mussels... ;) .. delicious tall, red beer.. a pool table for entertainment.. and a sexy dancefloor.. 'Makes for an evening of seductive foreplay ;) .. Can i interest you in a taste of that ..?

Have your people get back to me ...



I got 2 parking tickets.. within ONE WEEK !! :s *geeeeeeeeze* I have an old buddy who is on the force.. i'm sending him an email, with some specs - see what he can do for me :)

I cannot believe the snow we've gotten - and another 8" coming !

Crappy hockey game tonight !! .... *grrrrrrr* SO CLOSE!!!

Writer's block, indeed.

I wish you all well :)

Writers Block

Hmmmm. I seem to have writers block :s. I think my mind is elsewhere.

Things are going well though. I spent the morning with Nancy...relaxing in bed, talking, and just enjoying one another's company.

We made plans for Friday night. I am excited. I have writers block. Damn.

Ok...I thought by trying to just write about my writers block it would unblock it, but that's not happening, so I am going to bed :-)



Contentment ......... once again! :)

Hi everybody :)

Today... (granted the circumstances) i am at peace! :) (so please don't post any 'god loves you and if you show it, and ask for his forgiveness, he will grant you hapiness'.... please). I am happy. I am content :)

This is a happy blog!!

Today was a good day, and my evening so far, is shaping up pretty good too. I am at peace - and i've decided to leave all as it is. Communication is not happening right now.. tomorrow is a new day.

Today......i am content !

I loooooooooooove this song!!!


Say, my love, I came to you with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just what I'm seeking
Love, you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this,
our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change

Hey, my love, you came to me like wine comes to this mouth
Grown tired of water all the time
You quench my heart and you quench my mind

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but
sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
The things we cannot
Celebrate, you and me, climbing two by two, to be sure
these days continue, things we cannot change

Oh, my love I came to you
with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me
just what I'm seeking

Celebrate we will
Because life is short
but sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
Things we cannot change...
Things we cannot change


So peaceful..

It's snowing. Nighttime is setting in. I love this feeling.

I have our favorite music DVD playing. My husband called - traffic is so backed up.... he'll be late. Hmmm.

I am peaceful. I cleaned my windows today *woohoo!* :).. and did my floors (y). I look around - yup, i did good. My 3 children are playing nicely in the basement. I am up here.. with my music.. nice.

My living room is so cozy at night..

I put a fire on.. My candles - they always seem to sooth us.. us ladies, in the family ;).. they are lit and looking mighty fine.. damn, i LOVE my living room!! Warm, cozy.. earthy colors with sexy hints of Red.. I have long, red panels, in my main window - they rock! You should see my deep red cushions, dots of black and gold - down-filled, and only $25 each ! :) Damn, i'm a good shopper ;) *hehe*. I have a caramel leather sofa.. lots of wood .. hints of vintage.. chenille throw blankets.. i love it. It comforts me.. it really does. And i'm proud of it too. Why? Because i did it.. i am the 'decorator' :s.. in our home *hehe*. I enjoy it tho.

(Ok.. where's that pizza? .. so i caved.. ordered in tonight.. Sometimes ya just have to live on the wild side! *col* ... i know, i know.. hold me down..).

Omygoodness.. it's beautiful out there. I can see the snow falling, under the lamp post. Very calm. And still.. no sound from the basement. (you know, i could be lying.. they could be taking each other apart down there.. and i'm chosing to ignore them.. yup..all is good *hehe* .. you'll never know *wink*).

Ok.. enough yippin' for now. I love to talk..

I feel good. Hhhhhhhhhhhhh... nice :)

Thinking of you..

Dude, Where's my MiniVan?

This is unbelievable. I cannot believe what happened to Nancy and I last night. She arrived at the apartment at 7:40 PM last night. This woman stopped and went shopping. She bought me groceries. Can you believe that? She comes to the apartment with her arms full of groceries, and wine. Damn. Thank you, thank you, thank you! We hang out in the candle lit apartment. We smoked. We drank fine red wine. We made love. We danced. We held each other. We cried. We laughed. We had fun. :-)

We both parked out front. We both went to the balcony for a Camel Light. Nancy saw my face turn to shock. Our vehicles were gone!!!!!! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus we said!!!! Holy shit what are we going to do...it was late and she had to get going home soon.

I don't know what it was...maybe the alcohol, maybe the company, not sure yet, but whatever it was we both got it in our head that she could just stay the night!!! We were giddy like children, planning our story, flushing out details, working scenarios.

Unfortunetly, reality got the better of us and Nancy needed to go home. I so understood. That dream though was magic. For a short time we were high. Untouchable. Spending the night like lovers do.

We made love twice last night. It was beautiful. She is beautiful. Magical. She takes my breathe away when I look at her flat stomach, her rib cage, her perfect breasts, her feminine curves. I really need to concentrate to breathe when she undresses. She has a dark Mediterranean complexion, smooth silky dark hair, and the most gorgeous dark brown eyes you have ever seen. French dark roast. I love her.

I need you to think of her right now. She too is in a difficult situation with her spouse. Please send her positive thoughts of encouragement and strength. Let her know she is in your thoughts.....she is in mine.

I think I need to go now. I have a therapy session at 1:00 today. My therapist doesn't know yet. This will be strange rehashing the past week again. I am just starting to even begin accepting the notion that I no longer living at home. It will be strange :)

Nancy, be strong today. Keep your chin up and know that I am with you if things are difficult. I am now only a phone call away if you need anything. I love you.


My song to her....sums it up pretty well I think :-)


Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
Crush me with the things you do
And I do for you anything too
Sitting smoking feeling high
And in this moment it feels so right

Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
And I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'till morning comes
And watch the sunrise and fill our souls up
Drink some wine 'till we get drunk

It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
And here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
And is this real or am I dreaming

Lovely lady
Let me drink you please
Won't spill a drop, no, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on, oh yeah

It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
And here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming

Lovely lady
I will treat you sweetly
Adore you I mean you crush me
And it's times like these
When my faith I feel
And I know how I love you
Come on, Come on

It's crazy I'm thinking
Just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
To each other we'll be facing
My love
By love
We'll beat back the pain we've found
You know
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside
My friend
Each moment the more I love you

Crush me
Come on
So much you have given love
That I would give you back again and again
Oh my love
Meaning I'll hold you
But please please just let me always


Well. It's been a whirlwind day. Up at 3 AM. I left my home just after 5. I bid my wife and kids farewell. It was very tearful for both my wife and I. That was the single hardest thing I have had to endure in my life and I have been through some extreme situations. I broke down in my secretary's arms at work. She is like a grandmother to me. She gave me her home number and told me to call if I needed anything. I feel a certain satisfaction for the human race when I see a pure act of kindness like that. I have only known this woman for 4 months.

Now. I don't even know how to express what I am feeling towards my lover right now. Some of the words to describe her over the past 5 days: tender, loving, nurturing, caring, soothing, compassionate, sympathetic, kind, warm, thoughtful, unselfish, adoring, and gentle, gentle, gentle.

This woman was able to set me up in an incredible apartment, of which this blog is being produced. I am surrounded by her influence. I see it. Her colours seem to caress the walls. Candles, ubiquitous. Photographs, plants, paintings, furniture, her touch. My move has been effortless because of this woman. She has taken care of me. She has gone out of her way to ensure my comfort. She brought me music. I didn't thank her, I overlooked it at the time..but that was so thoughtful, not just because it was music. It was her music. It is what defines her. What she likes. What she grew up with. This is the music that shaped her into the woman that she is today. That gorgeous, chic, sensuous, dark, mysterious woman who has been contained far too long.

I love her. She is coming here momentarily. I have lit the place with candles. She has seen these candles before. She has not seen them lit with me in the room. How can I ever express my gratitude to her? Saying thank you doesn't seem to be enough. Perhaps living thank you everyday will be what is required. I love her. I feel contentment tonight.


"Say my love, I came to you with best intentions...."

I told my boss. He's not really my boss. He holds my contract. I am self employed. He was so understanding and told me to take as much time as I needed. That was cool.

I'll see her in just under 3 hours. I am dying to see her. I feel a bit fragile and need her embrace. Soon.

I have started to tell people in the office. They come around and say "How was your weekend?". I say "Not so good". Then proceed to explain what is going on my life. General reaction is shock. These people know me and never would have guessed.

It is such a bittersweet feeling I am experiencing right now. On one hand I enter into this with excitement and newness. On the other hand I am terribly guilty for being excited. I mean how can I be excited? How?

I really need a cigarette. I had three on the drive in. It's been a few hours and I can feel the itchy nicotine fit starting in the next hour or so. I should quit. Not now.

I hope to have lunch with Nancy today. We will hang out in the apartment and get me set up. I can't wait.


3 AM....What's on my mind?

Morning. I woke up at 3. I think I was having a nicotine fit.....so I went out into the garage and had a cigarette. It wasn't enjoyable. She wasn't with me to enjoy it.

It was a strange night. We packed some clothes and a few effects for my move today. We discussed schedules and times where I could come by. My wife has asked for no restrictions which is great - she wants me with the kids as much as possible.

We were like friends tonight. It seemed peaceful in the home tonight. There was no stress. I am sure both of us felt that. Things were very pleasant and amicable. I love her, but the 'in-love' factor is gone. We both know that. We both discussed that. We both grieved.

This has been difficult on the extended family that knows. They have known this has been coming for the past two - three years.....everyone has just been living in denial. My parents have been hard on me. They mean well, it's just their suggestions seem like superficial suggestions aimed at cleaning up the appearance rather than the fundamental problems which are just not fixable. There are so many elements in the equation that only the two partners will really ever understand. All the therapists and advice in the world will just not fix some problems.

I tell you it certainly is nice to come down at 3 in the morning and find that my lover has posted 2 blogs wishing me well. "Damn that girl is fine!". She knows so, I tell her all the time. She has been my guiding light through this, strong for me when I cannot be, supportive for me when no one else was, loving me like only she has. Thank you.

Well I will go into work today, sit down my boss, let him know what is up and I will take the rest of the day off. Nancy is meeting me at 10:30 to move into the apartment. It is furnished so I will only be taking my clothes, acoustic guitar, and my laptop for now. This arrangement is only until the end of March until I can find something semi-permanent.

I tell myself and my wife that we will be okay. I think I believe it. I have to go now. I should try and grab another hours sleep before getting ready to go to the office. Today I take my first steps with trepidation, but with the knowledge that she will be there meeting me.

Thank you

"Remember two things, You love New York City, and leave only your footprints beeeehind"

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