3 AM....What's on my mind? 

3 AM....What's on my mind?

Morning. I woke up at 3. I think I was having a nicotine fit.....so I went out into the garage and had a cigarette. It wasn't enjoyable. She wasn't with me to enjoy it.

It was a strange night. We packed some clothes and a few effects for my move today. We discussed schedules and times where I could come by. My wife has asked for no restrictions which is great - she wants me with the kids as much as possible.

We were like friends tonight. It seemed peaceful in the home tonight. There was no stress. I am sure both of us felt that. Things were very pleasant and amicable. I love her, but the 'in-love' factor is gone. We both know that. We both discussed that. We both grieved.

This has been difficult on the extended family that knows. They have known this has been coming for the past two - three years.....everyone has just been living in denial. My parents have been hard on me. They mean well, it's just their suggestions seem like superficial suggestions aimed at cleaning up the appearance rather than the fundamental problems which are just not fixable. There are so many elements in the equation that only the two partners will really ever understand. All the therapists and advice in the world will just not fix some problems.

I tell you it certainly is nice to come down at 3 in the morning and find that my lover has posted 2 blogs wishing me well. "Damn that girl is fine!". She knows so, I tell her all the time. She has been my guiding light through this, strong for me when I cannot be, supportive for me when no one else was, loving me like only she has. Thank you.

Well I will go into work today, sit down my boss, let him know what is up and I will take the rest of the day off. Nancy is meeting me at 10:30 to move into the apartment. It is furnished so I will only be taking my clothes, acoustic guitar, and my laptop for now. This arrangement is only until the end of March until I can find something semi-permanent.

I tell myself and my wife that we will be okay. I think I believe it. I have to go now. I should try and grab another hours sleep before getting ready to go to the office. Today I take my first steps with trepidation, but with the knowledge that she will be there meeting me.

Thank you

-dave
"Remember two things, You love New York City, and leave only your footprints beeeehind"