Even in the quietest moments.........
Well. Saturday. I spent from 2 to 4 online with my lover. Pouring my heart out to her. Her, listening, supporting, loving.
I still have not spoken to my wife. We have exchanged a couple of emails. She is in a low place. I wish I could comfort her somehow. She is surrounded by the love of my parents though. I take some comfort in that. My tears are back this morning.
I have a huge cup of French Dark Roast, black, steaming coffee, in front of me. This comforts me. A cup of coffee. She knows why. Will someone assure me my wife will be okay? I need to hear those words. God I worry about her. She saw our Dr. yesterday. He put her off work for a week. I was relieved by that.
I will be leaving my home on Monday. Pack a few possessions, some clothes, and I will be a stranger to my address. It's something that is hard to come to terms with. I project managed the entire construction of my place. I built walls, ran cables, installed shingles, poured concrete, hammered nails. This is difficult to come to terms with. I am comforted though that my family will have that for them. Something we built together. This comforts me somewhat.
I don't even know where this blog is going today...I am just writing down random thoughts as they come to me....sorry if it is hard to follow :s
Change the topic for a second....
Music -dave is listening to right now.....
Song - Artist
Jungle Fever - Chakachas
My Immortal - Evanescence (My wife asked me for this song 10 months ago...I should have listened to her...I should have listened to the words...why wasn't I interested....fuck)
Train Wreck - Sarah McLachlan (I love this song)
Sunset Road - Bela Fleck & The Flecktones
Nothing Special - Local H
I Will Survive - Cake
Blue Train - John Coltrane
Even in the quietest moments - Supertramp
Fields of Gold - Sting
Bartender - Dave Matthews Band
Extraordinary - Liz Phare
Music. I love music. I love to play music, read music, listen to music, make music. It is a passion for me that I burried long ago for some reason. I am just rekindling that passion now. Remember December.
Ok that's it for now. Jumbled and unclear thoughts. I apologize. I am okay though. It's funny, I am alone but for the first time I don't feel lonely. I will find my peace. It will take time. It will get harder before it gets easier. I am preparing. I will be okay.
Thanks
-dave
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