Little Things

One of the greatest things I have learned in this life is that it is the little things that matter most. No matter how much material success you obtain, how much status you think you might have, it's the little details that are most important and most ignored at the end of the day. I assure you of this. Those details vanished in my marriage. I would often do things for my wife like make her bed (how fucked up is that) and it would go unnoticed. I felt unappreciated. I kept thinking did she even notice I spent the entire evening alone with the kids making dinner, cleaning up after the kids, bathing and reading and bedtime, and then have the time to change the sheets on her bed so they would be fresh when she arrived home from work late! One time I got upset and just confronted her about it. She had no reason why she had not praised me for it, she had certainly noticed my efforts, but she could just not find it in her to compliment me. I was hurt and felt worthless. It became increasingly easier to rationalize my affair.

Little things seem to define Nancy and I. For instance, near the very beginning, before we had even kissed in fact, we decided we would meet for coffee and go to a secluded place to sit and talk. I thought it would be kind of cool to have some music in our spot, so I compiled a CD of some of 'our' favorite songs, brought along a portable CD player and two pairs of headphones and we were set! It was great! We found a flat rock on the water, enjoyed two huge coffees, listened to great music, and got lost in one another for a few hours. We were just getting to know one another then. It was still awkward, but I think we both loved it. While it sounds cliche, it honestly felt like we were teenagers again. A breathe of fresh air; the winds of change. As we said goodbye in my car that day, we found one another. We were sort of hugging, and I had brought my cheek to her face something I love, very intimate. I guess I just found her lips then. It was electrifying. I felt intense sensations pulse through my body. I had not ever pushed the boundaries of my marital vows such as I had just then. It was so exciting, and forbidden, and new all at once.

Little things. We both discuss this topic often. How our marriages felt empty when we both noticed the little things we did for our spouses went unnoticed, or, uncared for. And in particular how much we each appreciate and adore the little things we do for one another.

Well that's all for tonight folks.

See you soon.

-dave

Sun Jan 25, 2004 6:52 pm MST by jimithing | Email Article |

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Sun Oct 16, 2005 2:39 am MST by Lakers Tickets

Open marriages. I too have broached that subject with my wife. It was an interesting conversation that is still laying somewhat unresolved for us. On one hand she readily admits to having no interest in lack of interest in intimacy. She know this and has written as much...on the other hand....for her that would have to be somewhat of a self-esteem blow? No? So it sort of sits unresolved. How did your conversation go? Did you initiate it with your husband? How did he react? Maybe he knows too that this is a better solution for all involved. I wish you luck and peace in your quest Alura. -dave

Mon Jan 26, 2004 1:20 am MST by -dave

Hi Alura.. I was reading your comment re: 'open marriage'. How i wish i had your certitude. I would love to make such a suggestion, in my marriage. It could be an answer for everybody. For you, here???s to small victories! Keep us posted J My Lover often speaks of how ???society??? dictates that we have to be limited to loving only one person, for the rest of our life. Really.. ???Pick now, hope to hell nothing ever changes and you still like each other???and forever hold your peace???. Food for thought. I always thought my marriage to be strong. I always thought it would be forever. It sure goes to show you, when you wake up one day, and truly realize how different things have gotten. You've grown apart, your interests are different, and yes, there are 'no more little things'. Damn, i gave that up too. Yes, there are those that would suggest that you persevere, KEEP working at it, and honor commitment... but a mind and a body, and a SPIRIT, grow tired of being the initiator of unreciprocated attention. You find yourself slowing down until you've reached a stop, and an incredible state of indifference. It really is sad. Well, a little reality check confirmed that tomorrow is Monday - everybody wakes up early ! Goodnight to all??????. Nancy

Sun Jan 25, 2004 9:15 pm MST by Anonymous

Hmmm? My husband does the lil' things too, and like your wife..sometimes it is hard for me to show the appreciation I should be showing. We lack so many other things essential in a strong marriage, that the lil' things just do not cut it any longer! So, completely on the other end of the spectrum, we have just recently, talked of opening up our marriage..just talk mind you,and we have made no decisions~but, we spoke of finding lovers outside our marriage. Now...that in itself, the fact we were able to say the words, without judgement, means we are either so strong in our relationship we will withstand all eternity together. Or we simply do not care anymore! I am lost. Looking for friggin' bread crumbs, or a neon sign here! I don't know...all I know is, if what you are doing, works and you are doing it with a clear enough head. Then kudos to both of you. Hugzzz~ Alura

Sun Jan 25, 2004 8:21 pm MST by Alura

Little Things

Little Things

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